Day 7 - June 8

Showered and dressed before 9, so that's a good thing. Lily is still asleep though. I need to wake her to work on her daddy's father's day present. I'm very excited to see how it works out. After that we are going to visit my grandmother to say hello and tell her more about Lily's dance recital on Sunday.

This afternoon I hope to do more cleaning. On that note, you can see the kitchen table. Yea! Not only can you see it but there are only a few things left on it - CDs that need to be put in the minivan and an end of year teacher gift. So much more to do but it didn't get this messy overnight so it's not going to clean that easily either. If anyone wants to come over and help me organize... And maybe help me shake the blues. I think some dancing with Lily is in order for the afternoon too.

Day 6 - June 7

Lazy Rainy Day

Today I'm giving myself permission to be a bit lazy. This morning Lily and I colored in coloring books for over an hour. Simple Pleasures.

After running to Target to pick up a few necessities, Lily has passed out on the floor and I'm relaxing. Here in a minute I'm going to clean and organize the junk on the kitchen table. I need that table not just for family dinners but it's also my sewing table. I want to get back to sewing. I love it and it's therapeutic for me. Lily and I can also use that table to draw and color, play games, cook... lots of things. We have a small house and that table is very important to its functioning as a home. I think it's symbolic that I've let it become a junk pile - or at least the cleaning of it might feel symbolic for me. We will see. I just have to do it. 

Honestly, I'm fighting the feelings of depression. I don't like who I am and I've always felt that way. I can't run from myself so I either need to accept myself or do what I need to do to better myself. I think a little of both is needed. God please give me the strength.

Day 5 - June 6

Thank you for quiet mornings. Any minute my little one will come creeping out of her room to start her day. She isn't a morning person so it will take a few minutes to shake the sleep off then what to do? I mentioned briefly yesterday about the hot Texas sun. My thoughts for this summer is that most of our running around will be done in the mornings which means no sleeping too late. Sorry Lily. She prefers being a night owl and sleeping into the mornings. 

Yesterday was nice. We were up and going early running errands (though I spent way too much money at Hobby Lobby and didn't get any water toys for the backyard). Following a fit at Toys R Us, we came home without making it to Walmart. That aside, the afternoon was spent cleaning. I have to spend a lot of time this summer cleaning and more importantly organizing. At some point the last couple of years, I all but stopped organizing and junk has become piles. Larry was watching Hoarders on TV the other day and just like every other time I catch the show, it affects me to the bone. No, we are not anywhere near being featured on the show but I still see similarities to what I'm letting happen here. I have to purge and I'm really bad at letting things go. Yesterday I threw away 3 bags of trash from the kitchen and living room and a 4th from the Minivan. There is more to be done. I've just touched the surface and it's going to be difficult. Organizing is not something I do well. 

Deep breath. Time to wake Lily.

Day 4 - June 5

Shopping Day - Morning

I hope to not have too many of these since there isn't money for it, but we need a few things. Oh, and I love craft stores. I'm happy we are both up before 8:00 but now to get going. Not time to be lazy - that can wait until the heat of the Texas afternoon...

Day 3 - June 4th

Interview Day

Today was my third interview for the next school year. Currently I work in a Preschool Special Education Classroom. The job is very rewarding and I enjoy most aspects of it. That said, I'm ready for a change, an opportunity to grow professionally. I'm facing a giant obstacle on my way to make this change - I don't know the curriculum of where I'm going. I just have to hope someone is willing to give me that opportunity. If not, I will learn and grown as a Preschool Teacher and a Future K-5 Teacher and try again next year. No worries - I now know what I want to do and I'll do the work to get there. I'm not overly confident with this interview. I think I did well, I'm just not sure I am the person they are looking for this year. I still hope to hear from one of my interviews from a couple of weeks ago. I am confident that whatever is meant to be will happen.

Day 2 - June 3rd

List Day

Today is the day I make lists. I feel like I need to make a list of the list I need to make. Things I need to do around the house, things to do with my daughter, things to do to take care of me... list, list.... I have to start somewhere. 

That's a problem for me. Where to start? I often get stuck in the details before I even begin. Once I start a project, I quickly become overwhelmed and then I walk away. So for now all but one of my list will be short. 

List for the House:

1. Clean off the dining room table. I long for family dinners again but at some point the table has become overrun with papers, clothes, toys, etc. Dinner is now on our laps in the living room while sitting in front of the television. Not okay. 

2. Clean my car. Okay this isn't the house but I'm including it because it has to be done and soon. 

3. Clean the area beside my bed. This has become a catch all for clothes, books and toys. There is a computer desk somewhere with a decent computer on it that my daughter would love to play. 

List for me:

1. Haircut and color - it's been too long. Maybe I'll even get my nails done.

2. Take my medicine daily - I have vitamins that improve my energy and spirit when I take them. Why don't I take them daily?

3. Stay off the computer - funny to put on a blog, especially one I'm just starting. It's not that I need to stay off the computer as much as I need to make sure my computer time is meaningful. No more mindless searching and facebook games. Oh, and I have to limit my time on Reddit. 

4. Get my name changed officially. 

List for my daughter:

My daughter's name is Lily. She has an amazing spirit and an energetic personality. I have to spend our summers together cultivating and growing instead of sitting and watching television. We live in Texas and there is only so much hot summer one can take, therefore I have to allow some air conditioned tv time. I just have to limit it more than last year. I got lazy and I don't want Lily to think that is okay. 

We have a bucket list. 

 

Now is the time to begin...

 

Day 1- June 2nd

Day one of summer vacation just happens to be my birthday. The symbolism of this isn't lost on me. It's a new year for me and I feel change coming. 

Professionally the next year is still up in the air. I've interviewed for a couple of different positions within the school district I currently work. I've heard from one - no go, but I have not heard from the other yet. I also have another interview on Monday. We will see how that goes. Even if it doesn't work out and I'm back to my current position, I will have a new classroom and a new assistant. So regardless of what happens, next school year will be much different. I'll worry about that later. 

Personally I am at a place where I have to change me. I am hoping that as I explore this blog over the next 75 days I will figure this out more. Right now I just know that it needs to be done, how and to what extent... stay tuned.